South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
