In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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