6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
