He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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