Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
