Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
