the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
