your room smells of hookers.
And success
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
