I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
