operation harelip BJ is a go
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
