just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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