just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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