I met the friendliest cop last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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