What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
