the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
