Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
