um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
