The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
