i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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