the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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