your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
