And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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