When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
