Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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