She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
