Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
