who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
