Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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