We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
