dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
