Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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