I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
