Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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