I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
