look no pants
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
