I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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