I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
