ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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