I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
