Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
