No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
