She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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