And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
