Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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