what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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