I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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