I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
