babies were throwing up all over the place
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
