There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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