My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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