i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What a dumb baby whore.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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